Seriously. Embarrassing.

so my mum is a hoarder like it's crazy.

i think she is the definition of hoarder it's that bad.

but in this case i'm going to say it's a good thing.

my mum has kept memory boxes (yes, plural - HOARDER) for each child, i was going through mine the other day, looking for my old quiet book i wanted to give to my boys.

in my search i came across a letter that i had written to my friend that moved to new zealand whilst i was in youth but never got around to sending it.

as i was reading it, i cannot even describe the embarrassment and HUMILIATION i felt.

to sum it all up i thought i was a brown polynesian, thankfully later in life i learned that no, i was white and AUSTRALIAN with no background into tonga, samoa or new zealand in my whatsoever.

this letter contained lots of "sup fresh", "aye aye", "what up g" oh goodness the list could go one.

i honestly sat on the driveway in utter shame thinking about how "wigga-ish" i thought i was.

all i could do was laugh.

it got worse, i then came across photos of a short haired, acne, basketball short (50 times to big for me), baggy jumper (not even colour matching with the shorts), dickie bag and to top it off high top chucks.

like, seriously. 

WHAT THE HECK?

My question is WHY DID NOBODY TRY AND STOP ME ?!

i hope my children NEVER EVER find that letter/s from my "gangsta" era of life.

there are no words.

but put away the humiliation i am feeling at this moment, they were the best memories i have of growing up in the youth program. I still can remember all the good times and bad times we faced as a young women's group, i will never forget those remarkable young women and leaders.

all i have to say is (for the black girl inside) B'TOWN WARD REPRESENT.

 2EPULO2&KNICKS - this girl was my homie ; )

(the real good ones are packed away in photo albums because yes kiddies these were the days before digital cameras came out - thank goodness)

Family Date 5.

windsor.
this place is our cheap date destination that feels like a world away but isn't.

the beauty of autumn was out this saturday in windsor.
i love those maple trees - no idea if that is exactly what they are called but you know what i'm talking about.
they are beautiful in autumn, the leaves are vibrant reds, oranges and browns.
we found a perfect one to have a picnic under, and also a leave fight.
we have a tradition whenever we go to windsor and it goes like this.
ice-cream.
bakery.
and basically that's all you need to have a successful date with the kids and i.
$2.50 cones, uh YES PLEASE.
joovy, unfortunately ended up missing out on this one due to work (BOO).
and he missed out on a good one.
i'm so gad i have these two little cheeky boys of mine to keep me company on the weekends while the husband goes to work for the ka-dash, i would be seriously outside my mind CRAZY.
there's only so much shopping you can do with oneself.
if you want a cheap date with the family, windsor is your place.

Rainy Day Explorers

rain + my boys is not a very promising combination.

kai-kai & bracky LOVE being outdoors.

so, you can imagine when the cooler months set in and with that then comes beloved rain, for this mum i need to have some serious fun, engaging indoor activities to keep us all sane.

yesterday it poured down, you can imagine my joy.

we started out making a train track all around the lounge room, but we ran out of tracks.

we made play-dough in my new food-processor (thanks joovy).

FINALLY, we had a break of rain and i seized this opportunity to get the kids out.

one of my favourite past times was jumping in puddles, and of course i have passed that down to my kids.

we took this time to find puddles and made big splashes, we went on a little nature hike through the creek which our house faces, that bought loads of exploring opportunities.

kai-kai's imagination was in full swing.

just after the creek they are building a new field and there are "truck" loads of road work vehicles, and i always say to my boys "One day when we have time, i'll take you and look at the trucks."

today was that day.

bracky was in absolute heaven, he is a HUGE digger fan and what was there?

a GIGANTIC (makai's imagination took over here), HUGE, YELLOW digger.

oh the excitement on that boys face, i cannot begin to even describe it.

this is how i stay sane with a rainy day, what activities do you do?

(this is makai's new favourite way to take photos, he makes us all do it) 

Simple Things

doesn't the beach just make you feel 100x better.

i don't know what it is, the waves crashing, the salt in the wind, the beautiful blue scenery ?

it's something.

today, #2 and i headed out to my childhood favourite beach, Manly.

#1 was at pre-school so this was a bracky and mummy date.

i love spending one-on-one time with this little guy (which is not often).

anyways back to the beach, it is so therapeutic - for me anyway.

taking nice long walks along the shoreline, the sun splashing back off the water, the pristine blue waters that are so inviting.

it's one of heavenly fathers wonderful creations.

bracky and i enjoyed our walk spotting boats and helicopters as they went by - such a boy.

we took our shoes off and walked on the sand, dipped our toes in the water - because it's may and it was FREEZING.

we finished this all off by having some yogurtland together.

today, it was all about enjoying the simple things.

Braxton Andrew

this boy was ready to come and i had no idea.

braxton was due on the 11th november 2011.

i thought this would be such an awesome birthday, if he actually decided to arrive on this date.

NO, he did not want to wait.

i had problems with braxton measuring the correct size, which was the same scenario that happened with makai but this time the midwives knew me and knew my babies were healthy and happy they just tucked themselves up somewhere in there.

but i was told on the friday when i went for my regular check up that his weight percentile had dropped, which meant i was facing another induced labour by monday (if i had not gone already naturally).

i DID NOT want this because of the horrific experience i had with makai.

the midwives were aware of this and they gave me a "stretch and sweep" to help things progress naturally, the doctor looked at me and said how many centimetres do you want to be and i replied with an scared petrified chuckle "10".

she laughed and said how about 4cm (i have no idea i was in labour).

she gave me this "stretch and sweep" at 10am and sent me home.

i went home and told jevan that i was in labour and he laughed and said really, because you don't look like your in pain - typical right?!

my mum came home from work to be with me, we went to the shops (mums tricks into getting me to let gravity take control) i got lollies for jevan and a little car for makai from braxton.

2:30pm - i started having contractions that were 8-9 mins apart, jevan went and got himself some lunch from hungry jacks.

3:00pm - the contractions started coming at 6-7 mins apart getting a little stronger but still bearable, jevan was still out having lunch.

3:30pm - contractions were now coming at 3-4 mins apart and starting to become UNBEARABLE, jevan finally came home and found me kneeling over our lounge. Jevan got my mum and the officialy timing began, with the question of "when to go to  the hospital" floating around our minds.

3:40pm - contractions were now 1-2 mins apart with no waters broken. I was really quite apprehensive of going to the hospital without my waters broken, i knew once that happened I would be in all sorts of agony and if i didn't HAVE to be in that pain yet why would i want to be?! But the pain was becoming unbearable and I really REALLY wanted that epidural, like NOW.

3:55pm- we were 5 mins away from the hospital and i screamed i need to push, my mothers response "No, don't you push until we get to the hospital," seriously have you ever tried not pushing when all your body is telling you to do is PUSH PUSH PUSH THIS THING OUT !

4:00pm - We arrived at the hospital, I didn't even wait for the wheelchair to come down, I was up at that labour ward door so fast (and in so much pain might i add). We were met with the midwives saying "wow your back already that worked fast"

4:05pm - I remember just saying to my midwives "I need to push but my waters haven't broken yet, can I push" they gave me an internal as you can guess I was 10cm dilated with the head crowning. I got the go ahead to push. With that first almighty push, my waters broke (jevan still laughs about it to this day - all the midwives had their heads down there looking and it was like a burst water main, he likes to tell me) and then boy, i have never wanted to push something out so fast, it was so damn painful.

4:18pm - After 13 mins of pushing, our second beautiful boy Braxton Andrew graced us with his presence. 

4/11/2011

4:18pm

2970 grams

49 centimeters

I wondered before while i was pregnant how could I lover anyother person as much as I love Makai, until I met this new little baby who entered my life, my love expanded twice the size as I thought I had, I never knew I could have this much love.

 I know that birth is a scary, horrificly painful and terrifying thing but i have to admit i would do it all again in a heartbeat. Their little fingers and their little toes, kissing their little nose, that baby smell ohh gosh it makes it so worth it.

The Joys of Motherhood

today is a special day.

its one where i find myself feeling so overwhelming grateful and quite emotional.

i have been blessed with an amazing mother who i owe everything to.

she was my everything for 19 years of my life, until i married my best friend.

i have been blessed with a loving mother-in-law who raised an incredible son.

i have been blessed with amazing sister and sister-in-laws that are my examples and teach me and help me raise my children today.

i have been blessed with a wonderful nan-in-law (if that is such a term, i'll just call her nan), she doesn't know it but i love her as my own : ).

i have been blessed with life long friends and can share this wonderful journey of motherhood with.

but, the biggest blessing of all is that i have been blessed to be able to be a mother to two crazy cute boys on this mortal earth.

i feel privileged to be able to have not only one son but TWO.

this journey of motherhood is a roller coaster.

it has it's ups and it sure has it's downs.

but even in those down times i look upon these two boys loving eyes and know that i have been blessed with the opportunity to be called mother.

my children will never quite understand the love i have for them until they become parents themselves.

my love for the in unconditional and will never waver is good times and most certainly the bad times.

the role of a mother is a divine one.

growing up nothing ever felt quite right when i thought about my future career (this is still the case), until the day i held my first born for the very first time.

this role as mother was instilled with me, for the first time in my life i felt like i knew what i wanted and what i was doing.

for me, it feels natural to be a mother and i feel that my life has a purpose.

sure, it is hard work and they drive me crazy most of the times, ok, ALL the times.

these things are called (what my mother likes to tell me) the "Joys of Motherhood."

The Beginning of Many

today, i got to go to a mother's day afternoon tea at kai-kai's pre-school.

i believe this will be the first of many.

i cannot begin to explain my excitement.

i have waited for these types of events for my whole life.

it may be small but any who knows me knows that little events are BIG events that involve my kiddies.

his excitement almost matched mine when i walked in and he realised i was staying there not just picking him up.

they sang us songs and gave us cards and magnets they have made (which are both proudly on the fridge as i write) and then we shared biscuits and cake.

i loved being able to watch him have so much fun with his friends and teachers.

i love being a mum and even if i can't have anymore i'm 150% glad with the two crazy's i have been blessed with.

as you can see by all the photos - i was a pretty proud mum : ).

Makai Jevan

so i've been reading all these birth stories and realized to myself (what a slack mother I am) that i havent even documented my own little guys birth stories.

so i thought better late then never, right ?!

so here's the background before the birth.

makai's pregnancy was THE WORST i'm not even going to lie.

horrible turned me off birth (i think that's why brax was a surprised because i certainly wasn't going through all that again willingly.)

he measured small right from the get go, but as time went on the centimetres got further and furthur from the weeks i was due.

i had blood tests every week for the last 10 weeks every friday.

they got so used to me there they knew my whole life story.

i had to get these done because haemoglobin was very low, which would impact on me having an epidural (which i SO wanted)

i had to have ultrasounds for the last 10 weeks (which was not doing marvelous things for our bank account)

because of my measuring issues, i was told to quite work at 32 weeks and put on light duties and basically bed rest, because they could not figure out what was going on with the baby.

FINALLY at 38 weeks i had a scan were makai was starting to fall in the 2 percentile again for EVERYTHING.

at this point i had been put into see the doctor every week and put on that machine that measures the babies heart rate (see, it was so bad i have blocked out what the name of the machine is called) EVERYWEEK for 8 weeks, 30-45 mins each time.

i was told that i would have to be induced because of the baby dropping in the 2 percentile, it was safer for him now to be outside the womb then inside so they could get a better understanding of what was going on in their.

i was booked into the labour ward at 9am on the 8th April 2010.

i was so nervous, i don't think their are words to explain my horror and basically i was FREAKING out about giving birth - i wasn't ready.

9am - Arrived at Hornsby Hospital Labour Ward and was admitted

9:30am - Began the inducing process (they decided to use gel), after this I was told to go and walk because i was only if anything 2 cm dilated (they thought they were in for a LONG process)

1:30pm - Nothing was happening so I received my next bit of gel and at this point I was only 4 cm dilated. Was once again told to walk around and keep upright as much as possible, so i lied upright in bed watching Grey's Anatomy whilst Jevan had a nanna nap.

4:00pm  - Mum and Rachel (my sister) arrive to see what was going on (they were my other support people)

5:30pm - Was given my 3rd and final dose of gel at this point i was 6 cm dialted and in no pain whatsoever, I even had the thought of I think I can actually do this, this is bearable. I hope in the bath because I did want to have a water birth as much as I could. I was told as soon as I started pushing I would have to get out because I was under the heading "High-Risk Birth." A lovely midwife named Carolina (i will never forget her name) said to me "I'm going to deliver this baby by the end of my shift, so if your water doesn't break within the next 1 1/2 hours I am going to break them so we can get this show on the road" My terror was now back.

6:30pm - No water broken, and coming to the end of Carolina's shift. She came in gave my an internal and told me I was still 6 cm dilated. She broke my waters (like she promised).

6:35pm - I'm not even joking, the pain came like flicking a light switch on - it was RIDICULOUSLY painful.

7:30pm - All i can remember saying is I can't do this anymore, I was it to stop. But then this urgency to push came out of no where and I knew it was almost over. The midwife said of you are fine you don't need to push (how wrong were they). They sat me up on the bed and knew then i was not lying with the head crowning.

7:43pm - After 13 minutes of pushing, our beautiful boy took his first breath into this world and our first son Makai Jevan Ormsby was born. In that moment I became a mother and I have never loved something so much so instantly before.

8/4/2010

7:43pm

2590 grams

42 centimeters

It's That Time Already ?!

in our church, at the age of 18 months old a child can enter into a program called "Nursery"

it' a fantastic program, it teaches a toddler from the early ages simple lessons about who they are and where they have come from - not to mention mum gets 2 hours without them *fist pump*

so today was the day my baby boy went in and has his first nursery experience.

i get emotional whenever any events happen in my boys lives.

whoever would have guessed.
i took him in and stayed with him for 5 mins, honestly i did not want to leave him we havent been apart at church for 18 months.
as i kissed him and said have fun bracky boy bye, i had one last look back before i shut the door and saw in his eyes the baby that still will always have my heart no matter how big he gets, or how cheeky and obnoxious he will get.
it's funny they say you never know a love until you become a mother and boy, were they right.
it's a different love to everything else, it's unconditional and does not alter. it's loyal and fierce and one that lasts longer than a lifetime.
as my two boys grow into men i feel privileged to be able to call myself there mother, and feel honoured to be able to witness their life stories unfold.

Oldie, But A Goodie

friday's is Mum & Bracky Day.

i love the day because i finally get to focus all my attention on my baby boy.

he came into this world by a close 19 months after his older brother.

so as you can imagine i've never really just been able to sit down and have one to one time with him.

pre-school is AWESOME - this gives me the time to focus all my attention on this little guy.

he is the cheekiest out of the two (would you believe).

they say you get one like yourself, and boy is braxton ALL me - Hello Karma.

i like to do something with him each friday, I call it The Mummy Dates.

I have them with each of the boys.

whether it be going into the shops and getting a treat or going for a drive to see the ducks, today because (I'M BROKE, WAHH) i decided we would do Bracky's all time favourite thing - visit The park.

cost effective but yet fun.

so i put him in the pram and off we went down to our local park - which i love.

it has an old shed that was used for farming, it's got the old wooden farm gates, there's a lake with all sorts of ducks and it has the all important slide and swings.

he was so excited he did not want to come home for nap time.

i love taking my boys to the park, as mentioned IT'S FREE : ), but they run around get all their energy out, without being told "Stop touching that, Don't do that to your brother, Ok, time out to the chair."

there is so much to explore, they find the simplest things wonderful and want to talk your ear off.

they can climb on things without falling down, or without being old off.

it's an oldie but it's a goodie : ).