A Tender Moment

so i had a pretty crappy day today.

it probably had everything to do with the bad mood i woke up in.

sometimes the day seems to feel so overwhelming,

that i have no idea how i will get everything done.

then there's the mother guilt that i'm not spending enough time with the boys.

and then that's not mentioning the laundry, the grocery shopping and all of that stuff that "has to be done."

i really don't know how all you mothers out there cope,

i think you need to give me some tips in organising my day.

with two kids i could complete everything but then throw another baby into the mix 

and i'm all over the place.

but my day wasn't all bad.

i was sitting in the bathroom watching zay while he was in the bath.

and then makai came in and threw his arms around me,

he gave me the biggest makai hug ever.

(if you have experienced one of these you'll know what i'm talking about)

he then told me he loves me so much.

he is such a sweet and tender boy,

he is so sincere in what he says and doesn't tell you something he doesn't mean.

i'm so grateful that he chose me to be his mum,

he must have seen something in me that i didn't.

today in that moment he gave me the courage to keep moving forward.

he is my joy in this journey.

Green on Green

makai is now at that lovely stage in his life where he likes to choose his own clothes.

and those that really know me will know how I am feeling about this - especially my sister.

i have a little OCD when it comes to dressing my boys and matching colours, ya know if I'm going to have all boys they will at least be nicely dressed (for the most part).

so makai and I have come to some sort of an arrangement to make both parties happy.

he has free range on preschool days and I have the other 5 days of the week - I think it's a pretty fair comprise ;).

this mornings outfit was completely inspired by hi a favourite colour - Green On Green.

braxton has also joined in on this comprise, apparently.

He Is My Sunshine

today i got to watch makai at his first christmas concert.

i can't begin to write how proud i was of him.

makai gets really anxious and on the drive to the concert i could see his anxiety starting to get the better of him.

he kept saying "you will come with me mum and stand with me"

i was abit apprehensive on how he would go, if he would even stand up on stage and sing at all.

i walked him to his teacher and pretty much pushed him in the room they were getting ready in before he had time to turn around and run away.

i was nervous for him at this point.

but the curtains opened and there he was my big brave 3 year old standing right on the front row.

the music started and he was set.

singing and doing the actions he had overcome his fear and that could not have made me prouder.

my most favourite song of the day was when he sung "You Are My Sunshine."

the past month he would come home from pre-school and sing that song to me every afternoon while i cooked dinner.

these are the little memories that will last in my heart for a lifetime.

and yes of course, i cried - pregnancy hormones.

brothers

to be a mother is a special thing.

what i love most about being a mother is the opportunity i get to watch their individual personalities and their spirits grow and shine.

i am always amazed that these two boys were created by the same two people but yet are so different.

makai is reserved at times and will assess all possible risks in situations that are presented to him.

braxton has absolutely no fear and no worries that he will just dive into everything.

makai is sweet and tender but can be very challenging and strong headed.

braxton answers to noone but himself but if he is without his "ted" will cry until he gets him.

i could never compare these two little boys, they both bring a unique and special attribute to our family which we love, adore and couldn't be without.

i always wonder if they were best friends in the pre-existence and wanted to come down to this earth as brothers, i know they will always look out for one another and will share a deep love, connection and bond with one another.

i get the privilege to be apart of that and watch that special bond grow.

i cannot wait for their baby brother to come to this earth.

i bet he has been missing them while they have been gone and he has been itching to be with them again.

When Daddy's Away

when daddy's away,

superhero's come out to play.

i'm loving kai-kai's age at the moment, he's into everything.

particularly, dressing up.

jevan is away for the next two weeks in melbourne.

because kai-kai is starting to realize that his dad is not home very often and asks where he is all the time, i have decided this week to keep very focussed on the kids and activities that will keep them pre-occupied until their dad comes home.

we played superhero's and pirates.

kai-kai's imagination was in full swing.

he was pretending that the grass was water and the outside play gym was his ship.

it was being hit with canons and set on fire. 

we had sword fights and there was alot of flying around the backyard,

because after all there are always superhero's taking on pirates.

Boys Are From Mars

lately i've been finding myself saying:

"you are such a boy"

"only a boy would do that"

"boys will be boys"

i am a mother of two boys and how do i know this?

our house is full of any mode of transport - you name it we have it.

cars, diggers, boats, garbage trucks, tractors, trains, planes, helicopters the list could go on.

i am consistently telling not kaikai but bracky now as well to get their hands out of their pants.

this is a CONSTANT basis, it happens at any point even when we are out at the shops and just about to have lunch, mid-conversation with someone - where's their hands, down their pants.

i have to say it does drive me INSANE.

their fingers are up their noses 24/7 and sometimes they go for the full boy-ness of sticking their finger in their mouth afterwards.

they will not watch movies about princesses or any girl that is the star feature, their is the exception of Jesse in Toy Story - but "she's a cowboy mum."

our book collection merely exists of you guessed it anything that remotely is related to transportation.

they love spending the afternoon playing outside particularly playing sports, this includes a game of rugby between the two of them.

they are the first ones to jump in the mud, run in the rain, anything that gets them all dirty so mum has to change them - they are there.

they would absolutely LOVE it if i would let them run around starkies all day long.

doesn't matter if they knock themselves into anybody they just get up (scratches, blood and all) and keep playing because they are boys.

my mother's reply to all this is "they are just normal boys,"

i am feeling quite out numbered in our little family of four but that's ok.

because at the end of the day just before i tuck them into bed they always make sure they give their mumma a kiss.

Family Date 7

i thought i better update our family date this month before july ends.

i know family dates are all about the time that you spend with each other and you should always allow plenty of it to spend, unfortunately at this point in the year jevan really lacks time to do anything outside work or his calling, so to keep within our goal of one family date per month i decided this month would just be a simple big breakfast at home with just the four of us. 

we have never done this with just us and i LOVE when we go away and choose the package of "Buffet Breakfast Included." 

so we bought the buffet breakfast package to our own table. 

we had the lot bacon, eggs, hash browns, croissants, pastries (my FAV), toast, english muffins, pancakes, juice, chocolate milk, all the spreads and sauces you could imagine.

the kids were so excited they had no idea what was going on, and with all the choices they had they simply could not choose just one. they taste tested everything somethings even twice.

at the end of all good buffet breakfasts you feel ridiculously full - on the border of sick - you always eat far to much.

at the end of our breakfast we rolled out the door and drove jevan into work, the bonus with having a husband that works in the city is that we get to park for freeeeeee on the weekends 5 min walk away from circular quay.

the kids and i felt like extending our date a little further.

we took a stroll to observatory hill.

we counted the boats, trains and all the big buildings.

we stumbled across the best patisserie, it makes macaroons that are out of this world.

bracky danced to the buskers at the rocks markets and makai gave his approval with paying them for their services.

this day, even though we were not altogether for most of it was one of the most memorable family dates because instead of focusing on the quantity of time we had, it was more the quality of time that made this day special.

Quiet Reflection

this weekend my mother-in-law had her 50th birthday party.

and instead of boring you with the deets i'll skip right to the dancing section of the night.

as most of you know (that read my blog), my 3 year old sure knows how to push all my buttons.

kaikai and i shared a beautiful, jaw-dropping moment.

we danced.

without complaints, without tears.

just him and i.

i became quite teary as he laid his head on my shoulder, i found myself thinking of what his own journey would entail.

i know there will be good times mixed in with bad times, there will be tears and anger amongst the laughter and glee but no matter what comes his way he will make it through.

one thing kaikai and bracky can count on is that i will be there and love them unconditionally.

this is one of the joys of motherhood.

West's Hidden Treasure

yesterday, it finally stopped raining.

although we could not go to the park because of the week down pour we have received, the boys and mostly i needed to get out of the house.

and since its our exploring thursdays we went to poco first.

if you haven't been to poco you should, it's like a BIGGER version of ikea.

it is literally a one stop shop for your own - inclusive of appliances.

that outting was purely for my benefit, the boys didn't particularly care much.

whilst we were out in blacktown we decided to go visit "Mater and Thomas"

if you have boys, that are anything like mine (OCD transport),

then you should take a trip, it's well worth it.

you will find these two guys out the front of 4 Richmond Road, (not to sure of the suburb - it's such a long road) Winsdor-ish?

It's just past Windsor Downs - on the left if you are driving towards richmond, right if you are driving from richmond.

whoever owns this house, i just want to give a High-5.

they have old diggers, tractors, utes, trucks just sitting in their front yard.

what's even better is it's free and you know how i love a free activity.

oh and then we totally swung by to The Windsor Pie Stop - now they do good pies.

Me vs Him

there is no instruction manual on motherhood.

if there was, it would say under 3 year old boy ; you've done your best, now run.

I don't know what it is but sometimes they just wake up and turn into this person you don't even know.

i reached my breaking point yesterday morning during sacrament meeting at church - I know, such a great place to lose it.

jevans's new calling keeps him away for most of sunday and his work keeps him away all week, so this mumma had a minor meltdown filled with tears and thoughts of "how can Heavenly Father think I can do this, what did I do wrong in raising this boy, i have failed him already, why won't he get that we don't hit and that we share."

don't get me wrong I love this kid more than he will ever know but gosh he can make me want to hit my head against the wall sometimes, tell a lie most times right now.

is it just my kid that won't listen, is it just my kid that talks back?

as a mother you have all these types of question that float around and around in my head.

my mum always said after labour "now comes to the real hard times."

and golly, how right she was.

sometimes a good cry is all you need with support from people around you affirming that no, your not crazy and yes you are doing the best you can - oh and chocolate (that always makes everything better right!?)

i love being a mum but man, it's a tough job.

C is for Chalk

while brax was sleeping today i decided to cut makai's quiet time in half and spend some one on one time with the little monkey.

i made a outside chalkboard a couple of weeks ago and so i decided we would use our artistic skills.

i let him decided what we would draw, to my surprise it wasn't a train track or a road this time, to my delight -  there is only so many tracks and roads you can draw.

he started by drawing a brown circle and started talking about sting-rays (he has been obsessed with sting-rays, sharks and dolphins since our trip to sea world all the way back in march).

i love his little imagination it can run wild.

we drew sharks, fish, crabs, "seagullies",  2 suns and waves.

 we had conversations

"Oh no the stingray is going to get the crab"

"Hello Mr Shark *DoDoDoDo* with his hands on his head"

"How many legs do crabs have"

"Oh quickry swim away nemo, the shark is going to get you arghhhh"

our masterpiece - TADA

Rainy Day Explorers

rain + my boys is not a very promising combination.

kai-kai & bracky LOVE being outdoors.

so, you can imagine when the cooler months set in and with that then comes beloved rain, for this mum i need to have some serious fun, engaging indoor activities to keep us all sane.

yesterday it poured down, you can imagine my joy.

we started out making a train track all around the lounge room, but we ran out of tracks.

we made play-dough in my new food-processor (thanks joovy).

FINALLY, we had a break of rain and i seized this opportunity to get the kids out.

one of my favourite past times was jumping in puddles, and of course i have passed that down to my kids.

we took this time to find puddles and made big splashes, we went on a little nature hike through the creek which our house faces, that bought loads of exploring opportunities.

kai-kai's imagination was in full swing.

just after the creek they are building a new field and there are "truck" loads of road work vehicles, and i always say to my boys "One day when we have time, i'll take you and look at the trucks."

today was that day.

bracky was in absolute heaven, he is a HUGE digger fan and what was there?

a GIGANTIC (makai's imagination took over here), HUGE, YELLOW digger.

oh the excitement on that boys face, i cannot begin to even describe it.

this is how i stay sane with a rainy day, what activities do you do?

(this is makai's new favourite way to take photos, he makes us all do it) 

Simple Things

doesn't the beach just make you feel 100x better.

i don't know what it is, the waves crashing, the salt in the wind, the beautiful blue scenery ?

it's something.

today, #2 and i headed out to my childhood favourite beach, Manly.

#1 was at pre-school so this was a bracky and mummy date.

i love spending one-on-one time with this little guy (which is not often).

anyways back to the beach, it is so therapeutic - for me anyway.

taking nice long walks along the shoreline, the sun splashing back off the water, the pristine blue waters that are so inviting.

it's one of heavenly fathers wonderful creations.

bracky and i enjoyed our walk spotting boats and helicopters as they went by - such a boy.

we took our shoes off and walked on the sand, dipped our toes in the water - because it's may and it was FREEZING.

we finished this all off by having some yogurtland together.

today, it was all about enjoying the simple things.

Braxton Andrew

this boy was ready to come and i had no idea.

braxton was due on the 11th november 2011.

i thought this would be such an awesome birthday, if he actually decided to arrive on this date.

NO, he did not want to wait.

i had problems with braxton measuring the correct size, which was the same scenario that happened with makai but this time the midwives knew me and knew my babies were healthy and happy they just tucked themselves up somewhere in there.

but i was told on the friday when i went for my regular check up that his weight percentile had dropped, which meant i was facing another induced labour by monday (if i had not gone already naturally).

i DID NOT want this because of the horrific experience i had with makai.

the midwives were aware of this and they gave me a "stretch and sweep" to help things progress naturally, the doctor looked at me and said how many centimetres do you want to be and i replied with an scared petrified chuckle "10".

she laughed and said how about 4cm (i have no idea i was in labour).

she gave me this "stretch and sweep" at 10am and sent me home.

i went home and told jevan that i was in labour and he laughed and said really, because you don't look like your in pain - typical right?!

my mum came home from work to be with me, we went to the shops (mums tricks into getting me to let gravity take control) i got lollies for jevan and a little car for makai from braxton.

2:30pm - i started having contractions that were 8-9 mins apart, jevan went and got himself some lunch from hungry jacks.

3:00pm - the contractions started coming at 6-7 mins apart getting a little stronger but still bearable, jevan was still out having lunch.

3:30pm - contractions were now coming at 3-4 mins apart and starting to become UNBEARABLE, jevan finally came home and found me kneeling over our lounge. Jevan got my mum and the officialy timing began, with the question of "when to go to  the hospital" floating around our minds.

3:40pm - contractions were now 1-2 mins apart with no waters broken. I was really quite apprehensive of going to the hospital without my waters broken, i knew once that happened I would be in all sorts of agony and if i didn't HAVE to be in that pain yet why would i want to be?! But the pain was becoming unbearable and I really REALLY wanted that epidural, like NOW.

3:55pm- we were 5 mins away from the hospital and i screamed i need to push, my mothers response "No, don't you push until we get to the hospital," seriously have you ever tried not pushing when all your body is telling you to do is PUSH PUSH PUSH THIS THING OUT !

4:00pm - We arrived at the hospital, I didn't even wait for the wheelchair to come down, I was up at that labour ward door so fast (and in so much pain might i add). We were met with the midwives saying "wow your back already that worked fast"

4:05pm - I remember just saying to my midwives "I need to push but my waters haven't broken yet, can I push" they gave me an internal as you can guess I was 10cm dilated with the head crowning. I got the go ahead to push. With that first almighty push, my waters broke (jevan still laughs about it to this day - all the midwives had their heads down there looking and it was like a burst water main, he likes to tell me) and then boy, i have never wanted to push something out so fast, it was so damn painful.

4:18pm - After 13 mins of pushing, our second beautiful boy Braxton Andrew graced us with his presence. 

4/11/2011

4:18pm

2970 grams

49 centimeters

I wondered before while i was pregnant how could I lover anyother person as much as I love Makai, until I met this new little baby who entered my life, my love expanded twice the size as I thought I had, I never knew I could have this much love.

 I know that birth is a scary, horrificly painful and terrifying thing but i have to admit i would do it all again in a heartbeat. Their little fingers and their little toes, kissing their little nose, that baby smell ohh gosh it makes it so worth it.

The Joys of Motherhood

today is a special day.

its one where i find myself feeling so overwhelming grateful and quite emotional.

i have been blessed with an amazing mother who i owe everything to.

she was my everything for 19 years of my life, until i married my best friend.

i have been blessed with a loving mother-in-law who raised an incredible son.

i have been blessed with amazing sister and sister-in-laws that are my examples and teach me and help me raise my children today.

i have been blessed with a wonderful nan-in-law (if that is such a term, i'll just call her nan), she doesn't know it but i love her as my own : ).

i have been blessed with life long friends and can share this wonderful journey of motherhood with.

but, the biggest blessing of all is that i have been blessed to be able to be a mother to two crazy cute boys on this mortal earth.

i feel privileged to be able to have not only one son but TWO.

this journey of motherhood is a roller coaster.

it has it's ups and it sure has it's downs.

but even in those down times i look upon these two boys loving eyes and know that i have been blessed with the opportunity to be called mother.

my children will never quite understand the love i have for them until they become parents themselves.

my love for the in unconditional and will never waver is good times and most certainly the bad times.

the role of a mother is a divine one.

growing up nothing ever felt quite right when i thought about my future career (this is still the case), until the day i held my first born for the very first time.

this role as mother was instilled with me, for the first time in my life i felt like i knew what i wanted and what i was doing.

for me, it feels natural to be a mother and i feel that my life has a purpose.

sure, it is hard work and they drive me crazy most of the times, ok, ALL the times.

these things are called (what my mother likes to tell me) the "Joys of Motherhood."

The Beginning of Many

today, i got to go to a mother's day afternoon tea at kai-kai's pre-school.

i believe this will be the first of many.

i cannot begin to explain my excitement.

i have waited for these types of events for my whole life.

it may be small but any who knows me knows that little events are BIG events that involve my kiddies.

his excitement almost matched mine when i walked in and he realised i was staying there not just picking him up.

they sang us songs and gave us cards and magnets they have made (which are both proudly on the fridge as i write) and then we shared biscuits and cake.

i loved being able to watch him have so much fun with his friends and teachers.

i love being a mum and even if i can't have anymore i'm 150% glad with the two crazy's i have been blessed with.

as you can see by all the photos - i was a pretty proud mum : ).

Makai Jevan

so i've been reading all these birth stories and realized to myself (what a slack mother I am) that i havent even documented my own little guys birth stories.

so i thought better late then never, right ?!

so here's the background before the birth.

makai's pregnancy was THE WORST i'm not even going to lie.

horrible turned me off birth (i think that's why brax was a surprised because i certainly wasn't going through all that again willingly.)

he measured small right from the get go, but as time went on the centimetres got further and furthur from the weeks i was due.

i had blood tests every week for the last 10 weeks every friday.

they got so used to me there they knew my whole life story.

i had to get these done because haemoglobin was very low, which would impact on me having an epidural (which i SO wanted)

i had to have ultrasounds for the last 10 weeks (which was not doing marvelous things for our bank account)

because of my measuring issues, i was told to quite work at 32 weeks and put on light duties and basically bed rest, because they could not figure out what was going on with the baby.

FINALLY at 38 weeks i had a scan were makai was starting to fall in the 2 percentile again for EVERYTHING.

at this point i had been put into see the doctor every week and put on that machine that measures the babies heart rate (see, it was so bad i have blocked out what the name of the machine is called) EVERYWEEK for 8 weeks, 30-45 mins each time.

i was told that i would have to be induced because of the baby dropping in the 2 percentile, it was safer for him now to be outside the womb then inside so they could get a better understanding of what was going on in their.

i was booked into the labour ward at 9am on the 8th April 2010.

i was so nervous, i don't think their are words to explain my horror and basically i was FREAKING out about giving birth - i wasn't ready.

9am - Arrived at Hornsby Hospital Labour Ward and was admitted

9:30am - Began the inducing process (they decided to use gel), after this I was told to go and walk because i was only if anything 2 cm dilated (they thought they were in for a LONG process)

1:30pm - Nothing was happening so I received my next bit of gel and at this point I was only 4 cm dilated. Was once again told to walk around and keep upright as much as possible, so i lied upright in bed watching Grey's Anatomy whilst Jevan had a nanna nap.

4:00pm  - Mum and Rachel (my sister) arrive to see what was going on (they were my other support people)

5:30pm - Was given my 3rd and final dose of gel at this point i was 6 cm dialted and in no pain whatsoever, I even had the thought of I think I can actually do this, this is bearable. I hope in the bath because I did want to have a water birth as much as I could. I was told as soon as I started pushing I would have to get out because I was under the heading "High-Risk Birth." A lovely midwife named Carolina (i will never forget her name) said to me "I'm going to deliver this baby by the end of my shift, so if your water doesn't break within the next 1 1/2 hours I am going to break them so we can get this show on the road" My terror was now back.

6:30pm - No water broken, and coming to the end of Carolina's shift. She came in gave my an internal and told me I was still 6 cm dilated. She broke my waters (like she promised).

6:35pm - I'm not even joking, the pain came like flicking a light switch on - it was RIDICULOUSLY painful.

7:30pm - All i can remember saying is I can't do this anymore, I was it to stop. But then this urgency to push came out of no where and I knew it was almost over. The midwife said of you are fine you don't need to push (how wrong were they). They sat me up on the bed and knew then i was not lying with the head crowning.

7:43pm - After 13 minutes of pushing, our beautiful boy took his first breath into this world and our first son Makai Jevan Ormsby was born. In that moment I became a mother and I have never loved something so much so instantly before.

8/4/2010

7:43pm

2590 grams

42 centimeters

It's That Time Already ?!

in our church, at the age of 18 months old a child can enter into a program called "Nursery"

it' a fantastic program, it teaches a toddler from the early ages simple lessons about who they are and where they have come from - not to mention mum gets 2 hours without them *fist pump*

so today was the day my baby boy went in and has his first nursery experience.

i get emotional whenever any events happen in my boys lives.

whoever would have guessed.
i took him in and stayed with him for 5 mins, honestly i did not want to leave him we havent been apart at church for 18 months.
as i kissed him and said have fun bracky boy bye, i had one last look back before i shut the door and saw in his eyes the baby that still will always have my heart no matter how big he gets, or how cheeky and obnoxious he will get.
it's funny they say you never know a love until you become a mother and boy, were they right.
it's a different love to everything else, it's unconditional and does not alter. it's loyal and fierce and one that lasts longer than a lifetime.
as my two boys grow into men i feel privileged to be able to call myself there mother, and feel honoured to be able to witness their life stories unfold.

Oldie, But A Goodie

friday's is Mum & Bracky Day.

i love the day because i finally get to focus all my attention on my baby boy.

he came into this world by a close 19 months after his older brother.

so as you can imagine i've never really just been able to sit down and have one to one time with him.

pre-school is AWESOME - this gives me the time to focus all my attention on this little guy.

he is the cheekiest out of the two (would you believe).

they say you get one like yourself, and boy is braxton ALL me - Hello Karma.

i like to do something with him each friday, I call it The Mummy Dates.

I have them with each of the boys.

whether it be going into the shops and getting a treat or going for a drive to see the ducks, today because (I'M BROKE, WAHH) i decided we would do Bracky's all time favourite thing - visit The park.

cost effective but yet fun.

so i put him in the pram and off we went down to our local park - which i love.

it has an old shed that was used for farming, it's got the old wooden farm gates, there's a lake with all sorts of ducks and it has the all important slide and swings.

he was so excited he did not want to come home for nap time.

i love taking my boys to the park, as mentioned IT'S FREE : ), but they run around get all their energy out, without being told "Stop touching that, Don't do that to your brother, Ok, time out to the chair."

there is so much to explore, they find the simplest things wonderful and want to talk your ear off.

they can climb on things without falling down, or without being old off.

it's an oldie but it's a goodie : ).