Graduate 2018.

today my baby boy graduated from preschool.

he is my one who gets overwhelmingly nervous and shy in new situations,

or even when he has been going to something for almost a year.

everyday i have to hand him off to a teacher because 

the thought of running to his friends is too scary.

it has taken him almost 2 years to speak to his swimming teacher

and he still has to be bribed to go to sunbeams.

i asked him if he would be ok to do all this,

going on a big stage in front of lots of people he didn't know

he told me that he would be brave and

that all I had to do was drop him at the classroom and he would be ok.

my little zayden beamed confidence today

and for that alone i could not have been more proud.

he has taught me patience, compassion and to embrace people for all that they are.

his smile was so contagious.

and to make today even more special

he was awarded the "Vicki Miles" kindness award.

only 1 child from each class was awarded this

and all the teachers voted for the recipients.

of course by this time i wasn't smiling or cheering

i was BALLING like a baby.

he will never know how proud i am of him in this moment.

i wish i could bottle it up 

so that when he has moment of nervousness or isn't feeling so brave,

i could sprinkle it on him to know how great and loved he is.

his teacher came up to me after and explained that 

zayden isn't the loudest or most confident (as we know) 

but it was through his quite actions of service and kindness towards others,

when he didn't think anyone was watching,

that made him receive this award.

my heart is so full for him

and i cannot wait to see what the future holds in store for him.

i hope that he will always be the boy that is known for his "kindness".

Fathers Day 2018

yeh i'm only like 6 weeks late

BUT better late then never,

right?!

so fathers day this year,

i thought was AWESOME lol.

it was nice and simple - very jevan.

i seem to over complicate things and then end up disappointed 

because it didn't live up to the expectations i had in my head.

i don't know if i'm maturing or what

but i'm learning (or jevan's teaching me) to keep things simple.

we did brunch

because jevan is not a breakfast person,

a picnic at the temple,

a quick trip to papa to have some lollies with him

and then ended off the day with a roast and a chocolate fondant cake.

all jevan's request.

i'm grateful for all that jevan is,

what he stands for, for what he teaches me.

he's my best friend

and honestly i'm the one who is lucky to have him as my partner in crime.

happy fathers day joovy.

Wentworth Falls Hike

i have officially found my favourite waterfall in the blue mountains.

if i had to explain wentworth falls in one word,

 it would be - majestic.

i loved it so much i hiked it last saturday with my girlfriend

and then on monday with the two younger boys.

we had to make something good from all this rain we were having.

(being inside so much is killing my vibes)

when we did it on saturday,

we hiked down to the bottom and legit sat there for over an hour

just in awe of this beauty (and also stuffing out faces.)

when i took the boys on monday

i was prepared for the complaining and i bought all my best bribery skills with me

BUT i didn't need them at all.

the boys were ah-ma-zing.

no complaints and they absolutely loved it.

the views are spectacular.

braxton was on the look out for australian animals,

he loves them at the moment because he's spent a term researching all about them.

we saw, cockatoos, lyrebirds and a possum.

zayden loved all the little caves that he could fit in and touching the top of them.

if your kids are ready for a little bit of a challenging hike

then this is the one for you

and if you can go after some good rainfall it will be even more worth it.

we plan to come back here during summer and take a dip.

Dark Days Behind.

you haven't heard from me much this year.

life and lifes experiences got a little overwhelming for me,

so i've been kinda stuck in a rut just going through the motions

to make it to the end of the day, then the week and then the month.

hoping that one day i'll wake up and it will be better.

life kinda beat up on me and i've been letting it.

as i went through some old photos today i realised 

that i have completely stopped doing some things for me,

i have stopped taking photos and stopped blogging.

two things that i love and are my outlets.

so today i have decided that i'm going to fight back a little.

a lot has happened,

some of which will just stay in my heart because it's too hard to write still.

growing up in a church that teaches "families are forever" you think that's exactly what will happen.

that my family will be together forever and that fills you with such joy.

but no-one prepares you for if your parents do split up.

my parents split up last year and for me this broke me.

my whole foundation of eternal families was shattered.

my dad suffers from mental illness,

he had brain tumours taken out in 2016 and from this his mental well-being spiralled out of control.

the ability to use rational thinking was no longer in his control.

my mum has suffered and endured a lot during the 39 years of marriage

and was always helping him work through his mental illnesses,

so it wouldn't destroy him and our family.

he became very aggressive and honestly i completely different person.

in a church that believes in eternal families,

i feel sometimes embarrassed and ashamed to say that my parents are divorced

because who wants to admit that.

i have spent many days and nights pleading for this to just all go away and stop

because bearing it was just too hard.

two things i thought that would never happen in my life are

1. i wouldn't have an immediate family member die

2. my parents wouldn't get divorced.

both those things have happened to me.

i have thought what did i do so wrong in life to have these things placed in my life.

i have watched my little bracky in tears because he doesn't understand why this is happening

and why he can't see his grampy.

it has taken me 2 years to realise that,

there is no perfect family no matter how perfect they look on instagram or facebook,

with theses experiences/trials heavenly father has placed in my life 

i can relate to more people and hopefully help them

and that people always have agency.
- we will be an eternal family but who chooses to be apart of that is up to them.

i'm still working through my emotions about this situation,

i take them as they come. 

even though this post if all over the place,

i hope by opening up and writing about something 

that is super close and personal,

it can help someone else out there that life's beating up on.

you've got this !

Cape Solander, Kurnell

we have attempted whale watching for the last three years now

and after seeing our first whale while jevan are i were swimming at Waimea Beach,

(completely didn't even know it was whale season while we were there)

i was determined that this year our family whale watching day would be successful.

we packed our lunch and headed to the most popular point in sydney

to get a glimpse of these ocean beauties.

we had our packed picnic on the rock cliffs - with no luck,

we went on a hike - with no luck,

we explored ocean view caves - with no luck.

the boys were asking me if there really are any whales in the ocean.

lucky i had seen one if hawaii or else i would of agreed with them.

we were about to head back to the car

but we heard a big crowd talking about the whale,

brax and i turned and saw a whale jumping out of the water.

the other 3 quickly came back and we watched this whale for a good 10 minutes.

the boys were SUPER excited to know that whales actually do exist.

we headed down to kurnell to see where Captain Cook landed,

braxton had learned about captain cook at school

so he wanted to see where his boat had landed.

winter in australia is AH-MA-ZING.

the boys played nfl along the beach

and then of course,

the game had to be stopped because of arguments.

Wiseman's Ferry

these holidays i was super super organised,

i had our whole 2 weeks planned out.

the first week went according the plans but the second week didn't go se well,

unfortunately the boys picked up the vomiting bug that has been going around

and they didn't even decide to have it all at the same time.

they took it in turns,

one after the other.

as i'm writing this i am sitting with zayden in his bed

because he is hopefully the last to contract this bug.

BUT the first week was awesome,

we did so much fun stuff.

we went to the drive ins on the monday to see the Incredibles 2 * HILARIOUS !!

on tuesday we i had a day planned at Wiseman's Ferry.

we had a pit stop on the way at Scheyville's National Park.

sydney is so rich in history,

i absolutely love it.

especially when its  under 30 minutes away.

it has been used for many things, immigrant hostel, military base and a whole lot more.

the buildings here are amazing.

i LOVEEE old buildings.

we spent way longer than i thought we would here.

braxton is really into anything army

- it's his life dream to join the army

so he really really enjoyed reading and learning all about what they did at the base.

we headed off to wiseman's ferry after.

i had packed a picnic to eat along the hawkesbury river,

but before we sat down to eat it

we caught the ferry over to the other side and did the Devine's Hill walk.

this was along the original great north road that the convicts built.

this is SUPER kid friendly.

they have facts the kids can read all the way up,

about the convicts, how life was for them and about building the road.

we would have completed the whole thing,

if makai didn't turn HANGRY !

so after 30 mins up we had to turn around to feed our maori boy.

we had a lovely picnic sitting in the sun and enjoying each others company, 

WITHOUT arguing.

that's a rarity !