The Year Passed

as the new year approaches, i have found time to reflect on the year that has just passed.

if i could sum up this year in one word it would be Hard.

it was one of the most challenging years i have faced.

mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

there were times where i thought i cannot do this anymore.

jevan has chosen the profession of auditing which takes him away from the home for 6 months of the year, add full time study and a time consuming calling on top of that and you have a husband that spends the minority of his time at home.

i had to adjust alot to these changes which in the beginning i struggled with, but with help i was able to work through these.

makai went through times of struggle where i sometimes would sit on my bed and with tears in my eyes and pray that i would be able to have the patience for him.

my own spiritual well-being took a beating for months and months which was so draining.

this year was not the relaxing year i had hoped for but because of all these trials and challenges i learnt so much about myself, i learnt what i can really do, who i have faith in and now looking back i am glad that i didn't have a relaxing year, i'm glad it was filled with challenging moments that were there for a time and season because without those moments i wouldn't have been grateful for the amazing sweet and tender moments i got along to way.

makai overcame so much at the end of this year, i am so proud of him and his quiet achievements.

i'm so grateful for the people that were put in his life throughout this year.

braxton may just be hitting the terrible two's in this last week but he has been a delight for the majority of the year, his own little personality really started to shine this year.

jevan has never worked so hard since i've met him, he is such a great example to me and the best husband and father i could have ever hoped for. together this year we have really learnt the true meaning of marriage.

as i sit here and think of the new year i cannot even imagine what is in store for me on my journey but i know it will be for my benefit - even if i may not like it.

He Is My Sunshine

today i got to watch makai at his first christmas concert.

i can't begin to write how proud i was of him.

makai gets really anxious and on the drive to the concert i could see his anxiety starting to get the better of him.

he kept saying "you will come with me mum and stand with me"

i was abit apprehensive on how he would go, if he would even stand up on stage and sing at all.

i walked him to his teacher and pretty much pushed him in the room they were getting ready in before he had time to turn around and run away.

i was nervous for him at this point.

but the curtains opened and there he was my big brave 3 year old standing right on the front row.

the music started and he was set.

singing and doing the actions he had overcome his fear and that could not have made me prouder.

my most favourite song of the day was when he sung "You Are My Sunshine."

the past month he would come home from pre-school and sing that song to me every afternoon while i cooked dinner.

these are the little memories that will last in my heart for a lifetime.

and yes of course, i cried - pregnancy hormones.

brothers

to be a mother is a special thing.

what i love most about being a mother is the opportunity i get to watch their individual personalities and their spirits grow and shine.

i am always amazed that these two boys were created by the same two people but yet are so different.

makai is reserved at times and will assess all possible risks in situations that are presented to him.

braxton has absolutely no fear and no worries that he will just dive into everything.

makai is sweet and tender but can be very challenging and strong headed.

braxton answers to noone but himself but if he is without his "ted" will cry until he gets him.

i could never compare these two little boys, they both bring a unique and special attribute to our family which we love, adore and couldn't be without.

i always wonder if they were best friends in the pre-existence and wanted to come down to this earth as brothers, i know they will always look out for one another and will share a deep love, connection and bond with one another.

i get the privilege to be apart of that and watch that special bond grow.

i cannot wait for their baby brother to come to this earth.

i bet he has been missing them while they have been gone and he has been itching to be with them again.

One By One

today i was reminded off my mum to do a very simple thing.

count all the things i HAVE been blessed with,

instead of thinking of all the things i want or don't have.

somedays i guess you compare yourself to other people and we shouldn't.

i am grateful for a husband who took me to the temple.

i am grateful for 2 and a quarter beautiful, healthy boys.

i am grateful for family.

i am grateful to be a mother.

i am grateful to be healthy.

i am grateful for clean water and food to eat.

i am grateful for the money that i have to buy all the necessities in life.

i am grateful for friendships.

i am grateful to be a latter day saint.

i am grateful for a house to live in.

the list could really go on and on and on !

i have to admit that sometimes i become a bit of a downer and instead of saying i'm grateful for and finishing the statements off at the full stop, i replace it with a but i wish or i want.

life needs to be full of more thanking and less complaining.