It's Time

mr makai had his orientation for kindy last thursday.

i cannot even begin to write how emotional i was.

i was surprised how emotional i was about this.

for the last couple of years i have been caught saying - quite frequently 

"i cannot wait until you start school."

can this day already be here?

he won't be with me all day every week?

i only get the afternoons with him?

i cannot believe that this day is just around the corner.

it brings tears to my eyes to think that once he begins kindy, that's it.

i send him off into the world and hope that all i have taught him will influence his choices to be good.

he is about to begin his journey in the world in which i can no longer protect him.

he will be all on his own.

i think this is what heavenly father must have felt when it was finally our turn to begin this earthly journey.

he could no longer protect us from our journey, only watch from afar and pray that we would return safely.

i struggle to come to terms with the fact that i have to let him begin his very own journey that doesn't have his mother by his side encouraging him and catching him when he falls.

now i have to watch from the sidelines and hope that he will be ok.

and hope that he knows how much i love him.

tonight as his dad went in to give him his nightly goodnight hug and kiss.

his dad asked him with his arms stretched out "do you love me this much makai"

makai's reply shaking his head "oh dad i love you lots more."

i really don't want to send my sweet eldest boy into the world,

but i know that it is time.

and as heavenly father does, i will hope and pray that he comes back to his family safely.

and i will be cheering him on from the sideline, dusting him off when he falls and throwing him back into the ring.