Can We Swap?

sometimes i really miss being a kid.

everything is so black and white.

you seem to think your parents know everything and you know they will always take care of you.

you don't have to make any important decisions.

everything seems to just "work out."

but you then become an adult yourself and realise that in life their are a many shades of grey.

so many that it can just become so overwhelming.

you have to make important decisions that impact not only you life but your children's lives.

you realise that parenting is a hit and miss kind of game.

i would trade my kids any day to be care free again.

life is full of surprises - both good and bad.

some are more challenging then others and require a lot of attention and faith.

some decisions you make run smoothly but others you think "what on earth did i do?"

but i guess that's how we learn and grow,

that makes the difference of who we were and who we are now.

each choice has a consequence which sometimes really sucks.

some decisions we are forced to make much sooner than we want to,

but i have been told that it all happens for a reason.

it's really hard to keep faith when you just don't understand or you can't really find an answer.

jevan and i have to move unexpectedly and it's proving to be a really hard decision of what our next move is, where we should go, do i keep makai in school or move him closer to where we will go?

i can't even begin to describe the emotions i have been going through.

i'm not an emotional person - my husband will attest to that,

but since finding this out i have been all over the place.

through my eyes it's terrible timing and i am really finding it hard to see positives,

but i really hope that in 6 month a year,

 2 or 4 years to come i will look back on this situation and go wow i get it now, 

i'm so glad that happened to us.

i look at my kids and think you guys are so lucky you don't care where we go or where we live,

you are just happy if there is food on the table, toys to play with and a bed to sleep on.

oh how i wish to be a kid again,

this adult stuff is overrated.