This Parenting Thing

the last couple of weeks 

(which have felt like months)

my parenting has not been in its finest form.

my patience has been at an all time low,

my reaction to yell and scream has been at an all time high.

it really hasn't been that fab.

my boys have just been making me twitch.

all you mums out their know what i am talking about !

so because of all this

i am ashamed to admit it but i really just haven't liked them very much.

and then i get that mother guilt because you should always love your kids 

and be super patient with them as they learn what is acceptable and not,

right ?!

but in these moments of twitching, roaring,

(yep i roared at zayden the other morning - no words just a roar)

shaking my head, anger, guilt, "what the heck am i doing,"

falling asleep before 8pm even hits, "when will this end",

"i can't wait until you all grow up" 

there comes some moments of clarity where you think to yourself

hey, they are actually pretty alright kids.

(they are RARE however.)

today was a proud mum day for me.

this morning we had a parent-teacher interview for braxton

and i couldn't stop smiling at the report we got.

(yes, i am going to brag for a moment - this is my blog though lol)

he knows all his sight words (only 3 of them in his class do),

he is doing level 1 reading, sentence building, writing and mathematic equations.

but the bit that made my like - seriously who are you kid,

was when the teacher was telling us how much of an asset he is to the class.

he is patient with everyone, he is kind to everyone, he makes sure everyone is included, he helps people whenever he can, he tries his best all the time and to quote his teacher

"he is a teachers dream"

seriously, i almost laughed in her face because that is not the little punk that i get home from 3-7

EACH DAY.

but it just made me feel so proud of him, also a little confused because i'm still not sure if she is talking about the same person that i get, but still so proud.

and makai got his third principals badge today in the assembly.

this boy tries his absolute best every day in everything that he does.

he gets discouraged because he doesn't move up reading levels or spelling lists.

but i just tell him that i don't care about what level he is in,

the only thing i care about is that he is always trying his best.

and he looks at me with his big eyes and big smile and tells me 

"that's what i do mum i always try my best"

school hasn't been easy for this little boy but he is so resilient and never gives up.

two qualities i admire of his.

so sometimes in the midst of me re-thinking this whole parenting thing

i get little glimpses that we're doing ok, 

we definitely aren't perfect and we still have no idea what we are doing

but it just gives me the kick in the butt i need to keep on going.